I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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