Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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