Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am one with the molecules
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
