I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
