I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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