Pappa wants mamma naked
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
