so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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