he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
