ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
