You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
