I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
