you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
