Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
