I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
