That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
