Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize