One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
