Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
