I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
