Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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