I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
