I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
