It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
