found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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