my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why did my mother make you get naked?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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