im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
