Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
