my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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