I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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