He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
