oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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