i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
