My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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