We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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