Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
home. puking in laundry basket.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
