smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
