That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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