Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
