Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
