He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
