i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
