Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
