You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
