so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
