we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
