I'm so fucking centered right now
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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