You're my little dorito
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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