Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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