Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
