is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
