Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
