break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
