i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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