I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
