A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
