kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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