dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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