I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
