my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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