He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just fell off a train. Bad.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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