Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
