Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
