Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
