I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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