do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize