Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
